Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

I have quite a few things to fill in the great people who read this on today.

I am hung over, and that is to be considered vile.

Last night I got verschnickered like no ones business.

But let's begin our little story a little further back.

So she had been waiting for eleven hours straight. She held his hand tighter and tighter as the pain grew more intense. "Push, push," commanded the nurse.

Ok maybe not that far back.

Yesterday I stood spread eagled with one foot on each of the chairs as I was shaving my ass for the first time in my life because I had to look good in the thong.

Last night was a costume party called Heaven or Hell.

Brett called me at seven forty to go to the pre-party. So I grabbed my implements of destruction. I put the belt and the thong in the pillow case and bolted to the three sixty suite.

Let's talk about pre-parties. They're very different from most pre-things like pre-game shows. At a pre-game show the players don't all show up and hop up on steroids because they won't be alowed to take them on the field. Well at a pre-party, you drink and drink fast so that when you get to the party you are crunk as the wicked witch at the hexing ball.

Now that's crunk.

So I show up at this pre-party. It's at Shane's house. Shane is Brett's awesome boyfriend. He's a little bit older, but gay people never get old. At this party is definately a stripper*.

The exalted list of excelently exalted guests: Kynan, Michelle, Shane, Brett, Huddy, Ashley, Leigh, Lindsey Jeremy, Stacey

The list of exalted drinks that I exaltedly imbibed: Two of Brett's "something that starts with a C and is not coup d'eta", one of Jeremy's "1/8th cranberry juice and 7/8ths tequila", a couple of swigs of the incredible Jerm, Two shots of Apple Vodka. That adds up to a god awful amount of crunk.

After this Leigh, Jeremy, Ross, Stacey, Shane, Kynan, Michelle and I changed into our costumes. Leigh was an Angel. Jeremy was Saint Peter. You may be thinking "Saint Peter wasn't black?" I bet the differ, Saint Peter is a bouncer, so it only makes sense. Ross was random dude in $50 sadomasocist pants. Stacey just put a sign that read "heaven" in her cleavage. Shane was an angel with no shirt. Kynan was Buddy Christ. Michelle was Satan. I, oh I, was risen post crucifiction. I was wearing a brown pillowcase as a loincloth. A belt held it up. And I wore the thong so people wouldn't see my b-hole. I also painted on the holes in my hands and feet, my wound in the side, my beard, and to outline* my six pack.

This lead to three conclusions by the studio audience. First I have a nice ass. Score. Second Kynan and I were Double Jesus like Double Dragon but more divine. Third it lead to a debate as to whether Shane or I have better abs. Mine were more defined, but Shane's were more real. Shane was declared to have better abs than Jesus.

Then we played ten fingers. Kynan lost first, and then I lost. Stacey eliminated one of her own fingers by saying "I've never made out with Tommy Mann," the fool. I got all the girls playing by saying "I've never had a crush on Tommy Mann."

I am such a stone cold pimp.

Then we played truth or drink for a little while, but that lost out to this new game we invented called "Hey, hurry up and down your drinks; we're going to be late."

So then we get in the car to drive to the party. Leigh is wasted. I'm crunk. Ross is playing Leigh damage control. Leigh is awesome, but we're going to have to limit that lightweights drinking so she can enjoy the party.

We finally arrived at the party.  People had costumes on, duh. Will went as random guy who is painted red. Isiah was Loki from Dogma. Other people were stuff. I met Drew, and I don't really know him, but he was chilling with Will and he was black, as in painted. One guy asked me if I needed a wheelbarrow to haul my balls in, which made me wonder if he thought that I was really brave for coming nearly naked or if he could see my giant balls through my loin cloth.

Ok, when you're drunk, you tend to get a single phrase stuck in your head and fall down alot. Both of which I did. I kept saying "Jesus loves you." I fell quite a bit and have a couple of scrapes since I was pretty naked. Jesus loves falling down.

Heaven was alright, but needed some work. Hell was downright dissapointing, except that was where I had like three girls dancin' all up on my thing. Which was wierd because the music sucked.

Overall it was pretty awesome.

I'm starting to gain a reputation for showing up to parties scantily clad, which I intend on continuing. Going to parties half naked helps keep you in shape, because you wanna look good in that thong. The Tommy Mann get naked so you'll excersize plan. I'd make millions.

At like two a.m. I helped walk Andy back to cline and then I went back to my room. I finished my game of command and conquer before I crawled up in bed. I woke up in the middle of the night to turn the music off. I don't remember turning it on which is wierd. I woke up at eleven today.

So that was that.

Has anyone seen my clothes? My keys and wallet were in there?

*Definately a costume
*/Create